The Dark Story (warning, PG13)

[astralguardian]

This city’s a battlefield. No, it’s hell. This is where heroes aren’t made, they’re slaughtered. It’s not the 24-7 crime non-stop crime either, you grow numb of it or your brain melts and you’re dead anyway. It’s the real hell that happens just on the flip side of what they call the veil. It’s not where heroes go for glory either, it’s where they go to have their souls stolen. What happens over there makes terrorism look like a kids digging up an ant hill with a stick. Other there is where the real horror is. It’s where people mess with things they never should have messed with- where it should have stayed in the pages of the Bible.
But, back to this side of the fence… the Veil. Cops? Yeah, we have those. They are mostly refs for the continual gang wars and crime rings that really keep this place from finding peace- from it’s complete obliteration. You don’t go to the cops for anything, they come to you with things- you probably saw something you shouldn’t have. Sure, sometimes they’re on your side, depending on what politician had what ant squashed with that kid’s stick. But then, watch out, as the detectives sometimes get the facts wrong, or maybe it’s the discovered clues that get the facts wrong.
There’s a smell here and I can’t even describe it for you. I won’t, something’s rotting. There’s this low hum that’s always there too, so you can’t sleep at night. And if you did, you’d probably get your throat slit anyway- You said something you shouldn’t have.
I was one of those cops once and I had the gift, gee, thanks God. I could walk the Veil, I was a hero... at first. But like I said, it slaughters you here. They pull at you, from the inside out to get at that tasty soul. They? Yeah, could be anyone or anything. It really doesn’t matter. I fell from grace I guess you could say, I killed too many people for the glory of heroism and they almost stole my soul for it. I still have it I think- my soul, it’s torn and tattered but, it’s still mine dammit.
Being Gifted can keep you alive and at the same time, plaster this big ol’ target on your ass. If you’re good with that Gift, that target’s pretty small and the marksmen are a laugh- they somehow fill in the holes left in my soul. I don’t have too much of a problem moving about. The gangs will give you a fairly wide berth if you carry yourself just right. See, they know what goes down on the other side so, they keep their killing to their own kind and the innocent- safer that way and they will use less bullets, dull less knives

[astralguardian]

Shall I nix it? Leave it? ok so it's not PG13 YET... but it would get there.....

[astralguardian]

PAh...



I hate this town. IT stinks constantly and the air just stick to your skin like you haven't taken a shower in weeks. God, why do we even exist here? maggots run loose, no, make that demons like pawns in some sick version of chess that some demented devil is maniacly drooling over, hence all the rain. Will it ever stop raining? Yeah it dos, but then the bodies are found and everyone heads to the funerals. What a wonderful hole this place is. So what am I doing stuck here? Why am I telling my side of this story? Probably becuase I'm dead. Or at elast it feels that way, but then every day here feels like you're on the virge of being dead and then you wake up from your peaceful nightmare.

I spend my time cleaning up after them, those devils that is. Whereever they drool, I go to clean up someone's mistake, yay me. But, I guess I'm good at it, I certianly haven't been cleaned up myself. I haven't been someone's mess apaprently.

I walk anywhere and feel those pathetioc eyes on me, staring at me, looking me over like a dog panting at a raw steak. Get your eyes off my chest loser, or I'll put that peice of meat in your pants so far up your ass...... God I hate this place.

The night, I seem to dwell in the night. Well, that's when messes and mistakes happen I guess. It seems this inteire palce revolves in some sick distorted way, everything takes palce at night. Only the funerals and saddened mothers are awake from their nightmares dutring the day.

[seleena]

Don't deleted it, AG. It is real dark and sinester. Kinda like an old Crime story out of the 50's.

[astralguardian]

Hehehe... I was inspired after watching the movie, Sin City.

[seleena]

That explains. I knew it reminded of an old movie, but now I know which one it reminds me of. I was thinking those old detective movies where the trench coat wearing, life warn, smoking tired dective finds out about the meaning of life.

[lulaboo]

Tha'ts the impression was getting was a Sin City-esque type of narrative. Very raw and intense.

[astralguardian]

So should I run with it?

Yeah it's very much the Graphic novel/comic story.... but hopefully the characters are a tad less cliche' although you're pretty on the button though.....

[astralguardian]

My eyes burst open from the horrific scene before me. My chest was pounding so hard I thought I had to grasp my heart and keep it from running for its dear life out the window, smashing itself upon the pavement 4 stories down. Sweat drenched my bed, leaving me writhnig in this awful pool.

My cold, somewhat shaking feet somehow brought me to my insigificant bathroom when the barely cold water splashed against my pale flace. Still heaving my breaths heavy, I stared into the blurry mirror ad face that just wasn't mine. Or was it? Was it very much mine? This was my horror- to live day in day our.... night in night out. My God I missed her, her soul screamed in agony at me from a palce I could not travel too. I've tried d**n you to hell, I've tried. but it's too great, too many demons and warriors wating to drench their teeth in my astral blood. My essence.

Something was new this time, soemthing big and very mean. Something more ominous than any of the demons I've faced in the past. But, this one's different. It watched me, it didn't attack me. It studied my every move, it watched me with these eyes I just cannot explain.

THe phone wakes me from my half-glare and pulls me toward it like a fresh zombie pulled form the graveyard next door. yeah, isn't it poetic? I live next to a graveyard. Or is it just stupid on my part? Who's to say.

"Hello?" I fight to keep my voice from trmbling, but the words I hear make it obvious otherwise.

"Jesus jack, don't you ever sleep without nightmares?" the crackly voice over the bad line was all too familiar and I knew what was coming, but this time I wasn't about to say no.

"Does anyone sleep without nightmares? What's your problem this time Morgan?" A moment of silence rippled across the phone into my ears.

"What, you're not going to hang up?"

"Not this time, tell me what you have." I had seen his 'problem' in my nightmare, I knew what he was calling about. I was already slipping on my jeans and boots as Morgan laid it out on the table for me.

"I'll be there in ten minutes." I explained as I lit a cig.

"Come quick Jack, this ain't anything like the others..." <Click>

I breathed in the poison that I hoped would kill me someday, and at the same time begged not to die ever, knowing who all waited for me on the other side.

[lulaboo]

Definitely run with it and see where it takes you, it's only just begun.

If you're worried about the charachters becoming cliche or single faceted, what I do on occasion is try to act out a sequence involving that charachter before I start to write about it.
That way I have that particular charachters mindset in my head and can have a better idea of actions and reactions in the sequence and if it seems like the same old thing to me I can better guess where any changes need be made and jot them down to bring them more to life when I get around to writing that part.

[astralguardian]

GREAT idea BOo! Many times I find myself playing the parts, saying the dialogue while I'm on myway somewhere listening to music. I need to keep a digital recorder with me at all times becuase when I get to where I can write... it'sa ll been played out and the good stuff is exhausted.. great idea Boo, thanks! I have a mini cassette recorder from ghost hunting, I'll use that!

This story's really rolling in my head now... really going to run with this one.

[astralguardian]

What's with all this rain?! I apprently moved into someone's dank, moldy shower. And what's with al these people all over, they really scare me. My boss said this would boost my career, but I am beginning to thnik he hated me more than I first thought. I suppose I should have slept with him instead of ratting on his supervisor. Where is this nightmare and why am I in it? Then, of course my car breaks down... unbelievable. i jsut have to get home though, my feet are killing me in thse high heels.

Water dripped everywhere, echoing through the narrow alleyway created by the the blackened forms of brick buildings and the iron catwalks sprawled along the wet walls like lifeless spiders waiting to fall on their hapless victims. Jessica walked briskly throguh the corridor, attempting to miss the black-hole like puddles that rippled with drips of rain water falling from shapr edges jutting out alongside the buildings and iron-work.
Sirens echoed endlessly through the damp air, bouncing off the husks of buildings, as if the siren noises themselves were trying to escape the blackness. Her breath pillowed from her petetite mouth as her chest heaved irratically. The drips of the rain and the thunder of a subway were the companions to her lone clap of high heels on the borken pavement beneath her.

What was that?! I heard a skitter.... probably just a cat pouncing on a rat. I have to get out of here I need a shower, this grundge is going to ruin my complexion if I stay out here much longer, I jsut know it. I need to keep my mind in things. Bradly, yes1 oh my sweet boyfriend... I can't wait to get back in your arms, oh to feel your muscles against me, ugh, you make me so..... there it is again!

Jessica stops to look around, a sudden inhale erupts from her gorgeous lips as she spreads them apart in surprise. The thud of boots on the pavement began coming from behind her. Her heart thumped harder and faster, pumping the crimson life through her hard.

I have to get out of here now!

Her small feet tried desparately to out pace the advance of the heavy boots, propelling her to a corner. She slid around the corner and leaned up against the building, letting the cold slime covering the ages old building to smear her light beige business jacket. She held a hand to her breasts ans she felt her heart beat.

She heard something peculiar up above, something that made her heart calm almost immediately, but not it seemed to frighten her more than the advancing unknown. A rumble, a very low almost lion like rumble, but lower still came from the building across from her and somwehere in the shadows up above.

What the hell is that?! What the hell is this city anyway? !

She looked upwards, wincing to try and catch a glimpse of the growl that was now subsiding. She could hear what seemed to be a low heart beat.... some sort of rubmlish surge.

"BOOOOO!!!! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!!!!!"

She shrieked in terror, as she felt like someone just punched her al the way through her stomach and nito the building. She all of a sudden felt a cold air where she sohould not feel the dampness.


The shriek rose into the sky above, the sound of tearing and a gurgled end to someone's plea for help. The lurking audience did not make a move, but felt sadness. It could not make a move against this atrocety, not yet. He needed an asset. A tool. Someone to be his physical extension unti lthe time came. He grunted and growled, then rose to the air, shrinking into the gloom of the rain clouds.

[astralguardian]

Also, this story will more or less be in order. I'll let everyone know if there are edits, or editions to threads.

[lulaboo]

I am going to go through soooooo much popcorn reading this story! Great job I'm all suspense ridden now just waiting to find out what's next! ;D